My Only Solace
by Keeper Write
Summary: Ungrateful? Harry spent his entire childhood being berated, humiliated, choked, left to starve, imprisoned and ordered around like a house elf for his entire life at the Dursley's- and Uncle Vernon had the audacity to call him ungrateful? After fighting for his freedom in the wizarding world, he would take this abuse no more. No. 4, Privet Drive was never a home for Harry.


Harry was in a good mood. He had spent the train ride from Hogwarts huddled in a carriage with his closest friends, soaking up their love to get him through the next two months. Luna had made him laugh so hard, that even now in King's Cross, a smile was still etched across his face. He wasn't even bothered that the Dursley's hadn't arrived to pick him up. After an hour, when Harry was sure they weren't just simply running late, he jumped into the back of a taxi.

"Number 4, Private Drive, please."

The memory of Neville drenched in stinksap caused Harry to chuckle to himself as they pulled in front of the Dursley's house. He paid the cab driver quickly and lugged his trunk to the door. Not wanting to draw attention to himself by ringing the doorbell, he pulled out his copy of the house key and let himself in. He shook off his shoes by the doormat when he smelled whatever it was Aunt Petunia had been cooking, and he suddenly found himself very hungry. He dropped his trunks by his old cupboard under the stairs and made his way into the living room/kitchen area.

"Hello!" He called out cheerfully to the Dursleys who were seated around the dining table. Uncle Vernon spat out his drink and started sputtering as Harry downed a glass of tap water. Reaching for an extra plate, fork, and knife, he joined them at the table.

"I thought you weren't due back until the 21st?" Uncle Vernon snarled at him. Dudley, who had been preoccupied with the TV, nodded to Harry curtly and his cousin returned the favour. Aunt Petunia still hadn't acknowledged him. Harry remained unperturbed, he simply wouldn't let them ruin his good mood.

"No, the 18th. I wrote to you a few times. Never got a reply." Harry said, taking a spoonful of brussel sprouts (which everyone else but his Aunt seemed to be ignoring).

"Leave some for my Dudley!" She hissed at him, swatting the serving bowl away to the other side of the table, practically on top of Dudley's plate. Dudley pushed it aside, disgusted.

"How'd you get back, then? Don't tell me one of your lot dropped you off in some weird gizmo, that's the last thing we'd need the neighbour's gawking at." Uncle Vernon retorted, decidedly ignoring to inform Harry he hadn't read a single letter the boy sent him.

"No, I just took a cab." He replied, trying to keep the impatient edge out of his tone.

"Ah," He said, starting to rise and reach for his wallet, "Another thing I'm expected to pay for, is it?"

"No need, I paid him already," Harry replied, shoving the scant piece of roast Aunt Petunia allowed him into his mouth before she could change her mind and whisk it onto Dudley's plate too.

"And where'd you get the money?" His uncle asked incredulously, hefting himself back into his seat that threatened to buckle under his weight.

"Honestly, Uncle Vernon, I've been working summers for three years now. I've told you before, and you never seemed to mind since it means I'm not in the house as much." Harry was exasperated and it was starting to show in his voice.

"Right-o, best keep on it then. We don't need you hovering about every time the neighbours peer over the fence."

Harry contemplated for a moment. He knew Dumbledore wouldn't like what he was thinking. The Headmaster had warned him he would need to stay with the Dursley's to stay safe. But nearly 17 years of abuse had pushed him to his limit, and after fighting for his freedom in the wizarding world he couldn't sit here and take it anymore.

Harry threw his utensils at his plate, sending pieces of brussel sprouts into Dudley's mouth and Aunt Petunia's hair as she let out a shrill shriek of fright. Dudley tried not to gag. Uncle Vernon was seething at his spot.

"_You ungrateful little-_" His uncle began.

"Oh, no, Uncle Vernon! Please don't think me ungrateful, after all you've done for me I owe you a great deal, don't I?" Harry retorted, rushing to his feet with venom in his voice. He turned to his Aunt. "If you hated my mum so much, why on earth did you take me in? A sodding orphanage would've been more caring than you lot!"

His heart was beating against his chest in rage. They did not reply. Dudley gaped at him. Harry pulled out his wallet and thrust a wad of cash at his Uncle in disgust.

"Here! Compensation for your troubles. I know for a fact that's more than you've ever bothered to spend on me, so consider the change a payment of my debt to you. Thank you so much for going out of your way to pull a freezing, orphaned baby into your home with no other connections to you than the mere blood that runs through our veins. Goodbye, trust me when I say you won't ever have to see my face again."

Harry stomped away, picked up his luggage and left the Dursley's home. Who was Dumbledore kidding? That house was never his home, and those people were never his family. When he was certain he was alone, he apparated to London, at the entrance of the leaky cauldron. If Harry had lingered just a moment longer, he might have seen his Aunt stumble outside into the darkness after him.

Harry stopped for a second to admire the beaten down old sign in front of a long abandoned shop transform itself into the homely Leaky Cauldron. In those few seconds, several bodies apparated around him in the darkness and a fierce pit grew in Harry's stomach. Had Death Eaters found him already? Was it truly a mistake to leave the Dursley's?

He sighed in relief when Dumbledore's familiar voice greeted him with a "Hello, Harry."

Before he could say a word, the Headmaster placed a hand upon his shoulder and they apparated. They reappeared on the front doorstep of No. 12 Grimmauld Place and Dumbledore hastily ushered him inside where Harry could hear arguing.

"Of course he's got to go back! Are you mad?" Harry recognized Molly's voice cry out.

"He hasn't got to do anything!" His godfather's rough voice retorted. "He's made his choice!"

Harry cleared his throat, leaning on the door frame leading into the kitchen. The room went silent as several members of the Order were staring back at him in disbelief.

"I must return to speak with the Dursley's," Dumbledore announced. A moment later he had seemingly disappeared.

"Harry, dear," Molly started, pulling him into a hug. Harry welcomed her motherly arms around him. When she pulled away, Harry could tell she was holding herself back from swatting him on the head like she so often did to her other children. Harry's eyes eagerly turned to Sirius and he found himself throwing himself into his Godfathers arms.

"Please don't make me go back," He pleaded to Sirius in a whisper through the embrace. When they pulled apart, Sirius gave him a firm nod and held him by the shoulders.

"Harry," Mr. Weasley greeted, sticking a hand out to shake his own.

Harry shook it firmly, nodding to him with a curt "Mr. Weasley."

Harry meant to give Remus a hug, but like Mr. Weasley he stuck out his hand and shook firmly.

Mad Eye Moody emerged from the corner of the room with his cane and Harry prepared himself for a lecture, but was relieved to find Dumbledore had returned at the entrance. The Headmaster all but stormed across the house until his hand was on Harry's shoulders again, and once again without any warning, they disapparated.

This time they appeared in the entry corridor of the Dursley's house. Harry's stomach lurched as he leaned against the all too familiar cupboard under the stairs. Dumbledore dragged him by his arm into the living room as soon as Sirius, Remus and Arthur apparated into the corridor next to him.

"Harry, your Aunt and Uncle have graciously agreed to accept you back into their household," Dumbledore said, smiling politely and waving an arm at the Dursley's who had squashed themselves together onto a two seated couch, vying to get as far away as possible from the wizards. Mad Eye and Molly joined them from the corridor. "I think some gratitude is in order."

"No." Harry said quietly, his eyes trained on his Uncle. Vernon's mustache twitched as he matched his nephew's glare.

"Harry," Dumbledore sighed, "I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. It is dangerous for you out there. You are safe here, protected by ancient magic-"

"No." Harry repeated stubbornly. "I won't stay."

"Don't you understand, Harry? It's the bonds of family that's keeping you safe!" Dumbledore cried out. "Why would you forsake that by leaving?"

"These people were never my family," Harry spat out. "I'm just the dirt on their well-polished shoes."

"You heard him!" Uncle Vernon shouted, "The boy does not want to stay here anymore, we can't force him to stay!"

"Force me to stay?" Harry repeated through a laugh. "You've been trying to get rid of me for years. You were relieved when I said I wouldn't be coming back!"

"Right-o, and look at you now boy, not even 10 minutes have passed and you're crawling back here, aren't you?" His uncle sneered at him. "Anyways, it's not me that went out looking for you in the dead of night," He added, staring at his wife peculiarly. Aunt Petunia's mouth seemed to have been glued shut, her eyes were trained on the ceiling.

"Well, rest assured Uncle Vernon, I'll be sticking to my promise. I am not staying here." Harry said. "My godfather is alive, you've got no legal right over me."

"You must stay." Dumbledore said firmly.

"Professor, I have a great deal of respect for you," Harry said quickly, his impatience rising, "But you're not my father. The last time I checked, James Potter was dead- (Sirius and Remus winced)- Seeing that you are neither my parent nor my legal guardian, I don't see how this is any of your business."

The look of dismay on Dumbledore's face killed Harry, and he regretted the words and soon as they flew out of his mouth, but he kept his chin high and stuck to his words.

"Harry, we all mean well, you know that," Molly said, coming to Dumbledore's defence as she gingerly laid a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"No, Mrs. Weasley, I'm not sure you do." Harry retorted coldly, shoving her hand away. "You all know how much abuse I've suffered at their hands- (Harry pointed accusatory at his Aunt and Uncle)- and you just keep sending me back here."

Their eyes widened. "Abuse?" Arthur repeated. "Harry, that is a very serious accusation."

Harry laughed!

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Harry, you've left me with no choice. I'm afraid that your reinstatement to Hogwarts next year is conditional on your remaining with the Dursleys."

Harry didn't hesitate for a beat. "That settles it, then." Harry picked up his trunk and made to leave.

"Harry!" Remus hissed at him. "Have you gone mad? You'd rather withdraw from Hogwarts than stay with your Aunt and Uncle?"

"I'm not withdrawing," Harry reminded him, "The Headmaster has refused to reinstate me because I'm choosing to move out."

"An empty threat," Dumbledore muttered, heaving himself into the remaining love seat and massaging his wrinkled forehead in his hands.

The words came to Harry like a whirlwind. He spoke slowly, his voice cracking with pain; "For the first 11 years of my life, they locked me up in that cupboard under the stairs. I have been berated, humiliated, choked, left to starve, imprisoned and ordered around like a house elf for my entire life in this house. The only solace I seem to find is when they've chosen to ignore me and pretend I don't exist. The only credit I can give them is that I've never been beaten, and I suppose you all think I'm suppose to be incredibly grateful for that. So please, forgive me if you think I'm being unreasonable for wanting to leave."

"Potter," Mad Eye snarled. Dudley gave out a whimper. "It doesn't matter. We're expecting you to put that aside. You must stay, for your own protection."

"Then you expect too much of me." Harry said pointedly. He turned to Dumbledore. "You've crossed the line here, sir. I'm sure that if my parents knew how they treated me-"

Sirius cut him off. "Lily and James would never forgive any of us if they knew you were forced to stay here with these monsters."

"Lily…" Remus repeated quietly, nodding to himself. Turning to Aunt Petunia, he added "Her own sister. She'd be rolling in her grave."

Molly and Arthur moved toward Harry, each placing a caring hand on his shoulders. "You've always been a son to us," Molly added, wiping a tear from her face.

"The protection won't work anymore, Alisdair," Dumbledore said. "It seems Harry hasn't called this place a home in quite some time. Now, Mr. Dursley, if you'd care to explain what Harry meant when he said he'd been locked in a cupboard for 11 years?"

The others turned on the Dursley's, demanding to know more about Harry's apparently well-hidden childhood abuse. Harry stood back, standing in between Remus and Sirius.

"Can I stay with you?" He whispered. "I wouldn't mind finding a place in London, but I don't even know where to start in the wizarding world."

"Of course you can!" Sirius said, pulling him into an embrace.


End file.
